Unforgiveness: Overcoming the struggle against desire for revenge

This week we have looked a bit at withholding forgiveness, at how difficult forgiveness is and the excuses we tell ourselves. Monday, we looked at the mistaken thought that forgiveness must or should be earned (see article here). Wednesday, we looked at another excuse, that we think not forgiving the person will hurt them (see article here). Today we will look into the belief that God is so merciful that he will not carry out justice. Yep, part 3 of Withholding Forgiveness.

Accountability for actions

Forgiveness does not release the offender of accountability for their actions. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the offender but has everything to do with choosing our own healing, choosing ourselves over the offender. The offender is not released from the offense, we are released from the pain.

Recall the definition of forgiveness that we proposed. Here it is again: Forgiveness is releasing our feelings about an offense and offender to God so that God can heal us of the hurt and injuries sustained in the offense.

So, as I think about this, the big issue we have with forgiveness today is that we think he won’t punish the person. We want vengeance. Maybe the definition needs to say that too? We release our desire for vengeance to God as part of forgiveness. Should we say it this way instead? Forgiveness is releasing our feelings about (and desire for revenge for) an offense and offender to God so that God can heal us of the hurt and injuries sustained in the offense.

We are all familiar with the Old Testament verse ‘Vengeance is mine, says the Lord. (Deut 32:35)’ So, in the midst of this struggle, we must hold on to this: He is the only one that can carry out revenge. And he will. The very same verse says that ‘doom comes quickly’, so why don’t we believe that?

Struggle to release vengeance

We struggle to believe that God will act and act swiftly because we are surrounded by a world that seems to thrive on evil, and no punishment is in sight. Everywhere we turn we find lies, deceit, murder, bribery, fraud, theft, trolling, human trafficking, bribery, extortion. And we ask a resounding ‘Where is God in this? Where is He in my pain?’ Faith. Faith is the only answer I can give for this. We stand on faith. We stand firm upon the rock of our faithful God. God is good. Faith. We believe so many other things about our God, we need to just cry out ‘Help my unbelief, Lord!’

He will carry out due punishment

The simple declarations, like ‘I forgive’ and ‘Help my unbelief’ will make a difference in the heart. These simple statements and the outpouring of pain will release the control that pain and hurt have in our lives. The lack of forgiveness and the desire for revenge have wrapped us up so tightly, we are broken people. But, the release to God will change us and make us more like Jesus.

The offender is still accountable to God for that offense, but how or when is not our concern. Faith. God will hold them to the it: But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned (Matthew 12:36-37). We will all give account. Our unforgiveness will also be held to account (ouch!).

Forgiveness changes us

Forgiveness opens us to the Lord, to his desires for our good. The string that tied us to the offender is broken and their actions no longer dictate our own. Always left the party when the offender arrived? No longer – because God gives back what you lost. You used to respond rashly to demands? No longer – your blood doesn’t boil and you don’t lose all reason; you calmly reply that you have other priorities and you will let them know when it can be completed.

God wants us to be healthy and whole. Forgiveness is one of the ways that he implores us to use in order to achieve that state. Let us forgive as he has forgiven.