Forgiving Past Hurts: Looking back to move forward

Have you ever overreacted to something and wondered why? Or have others told you that you shouldn’t have acted that way? These are signs that something is under that, an old pain is there and festering. This is part of the brokenness we carry around with us.

A brokenness story of mine

When I sang in choir several years ago, we began a new season and one the first rehearsal it was announced that we would be meeting an hour later than previously. I lived in a large city without a car and at the mercy of public transportation. Starting rehearsal an hour later made me want to quit right then and there, I was irate and couldn’t understand why there had been no consultation. I felt like the ‘privileged’ who had a car or motorbike wouldn’t have a problem because at that time of night, any location in town was only 20 minutes away. But an hour by public transport, and walking in the dark, late hour. I was livid and really felt like no one cared about me, just because of a change in the hour of rehearsal. Can you hear how upset I was?

I can look back on it now and see that I over-reacted. But at the time I was blessed to have people watching over me who noted my reaction and asked me to think about it and I agreed to talk it out with a trusted church member. We may find that prayer and time with God will reveal what is going on, but other folks (like me) will need to talk it out. I would love an accountability partner for things like this but haven’t found one in my new country yet.

Our past affects our present

In talking it through, it didn’t take long to understand that as a youth, I felt like I was left out and not good enough. This was a feeling that was reinforced through small incidents, but many. In talking about it, I realized that one person was more involved in those incidents. It took looking at the underlying emotions to understand that I was hurt by the choir director, yes, but that I was also hurt in my past. Forgiving both was necessary for me to move forward. Every time those feelings of inadequacy and unimportance came up again, I had to call it out and remind myself it was forgiven, and I am capable and important, as God has called me to be. It was not an overnight thing, but it was an over-time thing. In time, God has taken those feelings inflicted by others and erased them. Forgiveness led to changes in me: in my relationships, in my responses to slights. The past can show us a path to healing.

I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me. The verse from Philippians 4:13 is a key piece in this walk of forgiveness. It seems an impossible task to delve into the past and uncover all the pain to hand it over. But we can do it, in and through Christ. He makes us able and gives us strength to do it. It will make us raw and maybe even feel more broken before wholeness takes its place. But I know that it is doable.

Forgiveness is part of becoming like Christ 

Sometimes pain and hurt are slapping us in the face and we know exactly what happened and who we need to forgive, but sometimes we need to understand ourselves better. It is a process. We need to seek Him and things that he wants to change in us will become obvious.