Anxiety in Evidence: Avoidance

I don’t think it is a surprise that avoidance is a flashing red light indicating that we are anxious about something. And we usually know exactly what we are avoiding and are anxious about in each situation.

As I consider the avoidance that I myself have embraced over the years, it has often been over fears that never realized, unless I made them real. I was usually concerned because someone had done something that I didn’t like or that rubbed me the wrong way. And there were occasions when I felt inadequate or unprepared on my own, so I simply avoided it. So, I can think of two types of things that we can look at when we avoid because of fear: concern with others and concern with self.

Avoiding Others

We do avoid others, and I know that I often say it is because I don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings by saying something. Or I juts don’t want to deal with conflict if I do say something. Or we are just afraid of getting hurt by them. Or getting hurt again by them. The thing is, if that person has done something, we should say so. Matt 18:15 says, ‘If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.’ I admit I am not always a fan of this direct approach. But I do recall times when I have simply taken a deep breath (usually with my potluck plate in hand) and approached a person who has rubbed me the wrong way. By simply spending time with the person, sometimes I come to understand that I too our previous interaction the wrong way. Sometimes I understand that this person just had a bad day. And it is a relief. My perspective change has freed me from the anxiety and avoidance.

But, as you well know, that is not always the case. There was a woman in my last church who rubbed everyone the wrong way, for various reasons and in various ways. If you know me well enough by now, I responded to her when I disagreed or took offense at what she said. But, as a church we needed to do something when she also chastised a young guest for wearing shorts in church (see thoughts here). At that point, we knew that something had to be said to the lady. The church committee asked the Pastor to talk with her, however before that was possible, she approached another member of the committee. Things were aired out, though I am not sure that she understood that she offended and in fact judged and condemned people for clothing. (OK, no ranting here.) It cleared the air for sure. I am not sure that there was ‘listening’ in the sense intended, and I’m not sure that we ‘won her over.’ We felt rather that she should be welcome in the church rather than treated as a pagan. We felt that our witness and occasional correction would do more good than her rubbing people the wrong way. We did make sure to talk with others when she did such things to them, but all were very forgiving. Should we have done more or done differently? I don’t know.

Avoidance because of Self

I had a hard time thinking of what to say about this avoidance of ours. This type of avoidance and the fear that it reveals is usually that we have not fully embraced who we are in Christ. There is one story in particular from 1 Samuel 25 that I always read in wonder. It is a story of incredible character. Every time I read about Abigail I marvel. I marvel because I am pretty sure I would act differently. Less honorably.

The servant comes to Abigail to inform her that disaster is coming and ‘she acted quickly’ (verse 18). I’m not sure that I would have acted quickly. I think this would be avoidance or anger for me. I’d be angry that Nabal has put us in harm’s way, behind that is the fear for our safety. Then I’d be afraid of a man and his army coming to create a disaster upon us! Anxiety and panic on both sides. But not Abigail. She grabs bread, wine, sheep, grain, raisins and figs and has it loaded onto donkeys. Then she follows. (I will set aside the fact that she had all this prepared. I mean who has that much stuff laying around? Five sheep? I think they had a huge operation and she was accustomed to looking after the large staff. I still applaud her for this.) Abigail decides to go to the army. She decides to head off the evil that she fears and address the evil she lives with at a later time.

She quickly gets off her donkey and bows down to David with her face on the ground. I don’t know how I would greet a man that is leader of an army approaching my home with ill intent. I don’t think I have ever bowed to anyone except the Lord. So, it wouldn’t be the first thing to come to mind. Then again it is a begging posture. Interestingly, she then proceeds to speak. She doesn’t wait for permission. So, she begs. She blesses David too.

I don’t think and act this way. Maybe I have been looking at this through the wrong lens all this time. Maybe I need to look at it through the lens of the Holy Spirit, like in 2 Timothy 1:7. The Holy Spirit acts through us in the prudence and directs our actions. I doubt that my humanly nature would lead me to act as Abigail did. I need the Holy Spirit to act in me in the most appropriate way for each situation and circumstance.

Call out to the Holy Spirit

I can only hope that in the next avoidance, fight or flight moment like Abigail faced, I will choose to call out to the Holy Spirit. I want the Holy Spirit to guide me every day, and when I need him (correct pronoun here?) most, in fearful avoidance scenarios, I know that I must pray the Spirit will lead and I will follow.

I should have this idea also in the first part about ‘others.’ The call out to the Holy Spirit for guidance in the first step in overcoming the avoidance factor. When we deal with those we would rather not, it needs to be with the help of the Spirit. Call out. When we need to get out of our own way, call out!  

Another long one – how does that happen? Well, next month is all about simplifying. So, I am committing to short posts: half a page-ish. Am I the only one in quarantine who feels like I’m getting less done? Simplifying should help!

Comment below on Abigail, self, others, avoidance! Am I the only one who finds Abigail awesome?