Withholding Forgiveness – Part 1
We were talking about thinking we ‘cannot forgive’ some people in the last article. Let’s review the definition I proposed before we go on: Forgiveness is releasing our feelings about an offense and offender to God so that God can heal us of the hurt and injuries sustained in the offense.
Forgiveness is NOT forgetting the offense. Forgiveness is NOT reconciliation. Forgiveness does not excuse the offense. Forgiveness DOES change the way we react to offenses; it does change the way we relate to the offender.
We should notice that the definition does not speak of the offender. The action of forgiving is entirely between me (you) and God. The offender doesn’t play a part at all. Forgiveness does not heal the offender, nor does it help them change. It is a bit selfish in that it only helps us change and heal.
Unable to forgive
I just can’t forgive him for that. Or maybe you are thinking ‘I just can’t forgive her for that. It hurt too much. What am I gonna do?’
I think that we say we cannot forgive for three reasons. One is that we think forgiveness must be earned. The second is that we think not forgiving the person will hurt them. The third is that we think God is too merciful to carry out justice (we don’t trust him). We’ll look at these separately over the next three articles.
Forgiveness earned?
The first, that forgiveness must be earned in order for us to give it, is a common misconception. It relates closely to repentance. We can look again at the parable of the prodigal son for examples again, but I think there is a better illustration. Jesus was treated horribly on his way to the cross. What do the soldiers deserve? They have beaten him, flogged him, made him carry the heavy burden of the cross, stolen his clothes and nailed him naked to the cross. Have they earned his forgiveness? Absolutely not! Yet, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34) There was no repentance by the soldiers, but forgiveness was certainly given. If we also look at each of the times that Jesus teaches on forgiveness and the New Testament speaks of forgiveness, the only condition is that we will be forgiven in the measure we forgive. There is Luke 17:3-4 which says if someone repents, we must forgive. But there is no teaching that says ‘only when/if they repent, you forgive’. This would be like earning forgiveness. The ultimate question of course, is how, just how, do we intend to earn the forgiveness of God? If forgiveness is earned here on earth, why not hold us to the same standard with God? No, we cannot earn forgiveness. In turn, we certainly cannot expect others to earn it.
