LIE: I need to tell the person I forgive them

Lies We Believe about Forgiveness Series

How do people respond to ‘I forgive you’?

Have you done this; told someone you forgive them? If it is not during the relevant conversation, it is rarely admired or accepted. It is often taken rather rudely. You see, most people who hurt us are completely unaware of the issue or the depth of the pain that was caused. Since they don’t understand, they can get offended by the implication that they even made a mistake.

The response to telling someone, ‘I forgive you,’ is often ‘what for?’ Or ‘you are overreacting.’ People who hurt us, especially if there is no remorse, do not want to see the sin in themselves. They may even view the problem as being with you.

Gotta have faith

Really, forgiveness is not an easy thing. It takes faith on our part to believe that God will take our desire for revenge and our pain and transform it. But we are only able to do so for ourselves. We cannot force the other person to change to be remorseful. Talking about their mistakes won’t make them suddenly understand their sin or offense. 2 Peter 3:9 says that the Lord wants everyone to repent, but note, ‘he wants’, not ‘he forces.’ Our pushing, dropping hints, forgiveness, nagging, etc. will not force any change either.

Forgiveness is something that is between you and God, the offender has nothing to do with it. If the conversation calls for it, the person asks forgiveness or seeks to mend the relationship, it might be the right time to say that you have forgiven or do forgive someone. Otherwise, it may only strain the already broken relation.

If this article has made you realize you might need some guidance about forgiveness, be sure to check out my book Alive Again: Find Healing in Forgiveness. The book is a practical guide and Bible study in one, including God’s forgiveness for us, defining forgiveness, recognizing unforgiveness, a discussion of reconciliation and steps to keep your sanity in broken and mending relationships.

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