HALF-LIE: Forgiving gives the person room to hurt me again

Lies We Believe about Forgiveness Series

Forgiveness is about healing, not hurting

Forgiveness gives you room to heal from the hurt the offender has already done. Once you begin and continue the healing process with God, the emotional connection to the offense will lose its sting. So, there is a different feeling associated with the offender and offense. Extending forgiveness is the thing you do for yourself. Then, also for yourself, you decide if you will reconcile.

Reconciliation decisions

Remember, last post we talked about reconciling or not. It is your decision if you are willing to rebuild trust and reconcile. Biblically, we have an option to reconcile. There are numerous reasons not to continue in a relationship with someone: the hurt is too deep, the other person has decided to walk away, the relationship wasn’t worth it, the relationship is unhealthy, etc.

If we choose to reconcile then yes, unfortunately the person will have the opportunity to hurt us again. This is why it is important to take the relationship through a process of building trust to restore it, like Joseph did with his brothers. It is important to consider boundaries or ways to protect ourselves when we continue with the relationships. The only ‘room’ that person has to hurt you is based on relationship choices and boundaries. Reconciliation will take time, just as forgiveness is a decision followed by a time of healing.

Reconciliation: Earning trust

Reconciliation is not an immediate thing after forgiveness. The time it takes to rebuild trust and heal from the pain can take as long as it needs. We have to watch that we don’t hold on to unforgiveness concepts like punishment and earning forgiveness. Earning trust and reestablishing it will take work from both parties, but that is not earning forgiveness.

If this article has made you realize you might need some guidance about forgiveness, be sure to check out my book Alive Again: Find Healing in Forgiveness. The book is a practical guide and Bible study in one, including God’s forgiveness for us, defining forgiveness, recognizing unforgiveness, a discussion of reconciliation and steps to keep your sanity in broken and mending relationships.

The Alive Again Course Bundle is now available! Leave past hurts behind and move forward. Sign up today.