Anxiety in Evidence: Shame

I’ve had a hard time boiling down to what shame exactly is. It is generally agreed that it causes anxiety, but there are various definitions. Even Bible dictionary and encyclopedia definitions seem to miss the point that reverberates in my head. For me, the root of shame is the sense of ‘being bad, not enough, foolish which comes from past actions performed by me or perpetrated upon me’ rather than ‘doing bad’ and getting caught at it. The doing bad and getting caught at it seems to me to be an issue of guilt and maybe even self-pride at trying to get away with something but didn’t.

Shame or Guilt?

The story of the adulteress in John 8 shows a woman caught in adultery and hauled before the public. I guess this would be a public shaming; she made a mistake and is taken to task. The Pharisees demonstrate the wrathful response and Jesus demonstrates both grace and mercy. Was she guilty? I would conclude so, since Jesus says to go and sin no more, she must have done it. What about shame? That is clearly what the Pharisees want, but Jesus elevates her by essentially saying that we are all alike, all sinners. None are in a position to judge and say that the woman is no longer worthy to continue living. In Jesus’s response, he shows her grace, an unmerited kindness. He is also merciful in not carrying out the punishment prescribed by law.

The public shaming was not of the woman. It was of the Pharisees and even the other people. Levelling the playing field. Guilt can be removed by forgiveness and doing the sin ‘no more’. I think based on the grace and mercy shown to the woman, she was not shamed, nor did she feel shame.

Mercy

Shame is the inner feeling or sense of being inadequate or not good enough. In John 8, Jesus demonstrates what is required to move beyond the shame. Whatever we may have done or been subjected to, it is time to show ourselves grace and mercy. Or maybe mercy and grace. As in Hebrews 4:16, ‘Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.’

Whatever we have done in the past can and should be brought to light and forgiveness given and/or accepted (see February 2020 series for more on forgiveness – we will focus here on mercy). We no longer deserve any punishment for our past actions that may have caused us to feel unworthy. They are forgiven and the debt is erased. The past has shaped us into who we are, and we need to accept that the past will not change. What we can change instead is how we determine the past will influence the present. We are new creations now in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17) and his mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). We need to accept the newness of Christ in our lives and wear them as our robe, not the shame we wrapped ourselves in.

Grace

As much as we may feel like we are not worthy of kindness to ourselves, Jesus has chosen to do so. We should emulate Him in this. Grace is unmerited favor. Though I believe that our merit comes through Christ himself, he has placed us in a place to receive these mercies. So, we need to be kind to ourselves about the past. I think this is especially true when we consider the shame carried by things inflicted upon us. What others did or said to us in the past can be a great burden. But we have offered Christ the burden, accepted our role in things and forgiven ourselves and the others. This frees us to understand that goodness and kindness are ours for the giving and taking.

Speak Truth

I think this is also a time where we should speak truth of the situation. Journaling our past and writing out these shame burdens or speaking to a trusted confidant will help us understand what the truth of the past was and what lies our mind has built up around those situations. By distinguishing those two things, and giving it to Christ, we are free. This is all about the actions and how they made us feel. This may include our past identity and how you thought of yourself.

Then go a step further, speak truth about who we are today and the identity that we have taken in Christ. This is the truth of our identity in Christ. We are chosen, justified, loved, accepted, worthy, whole, forgiven. And a host of other wonderous things. You are more valuable than sparrows (Matt 10:31) and made in his image (Gen 1:27). Let the truths of our identity become a firm foundation within us, meditating on these truths and reminding ourselves when the old comes back to mind.

The Spirit Sets Us Free

Romans 8:1-2 says, ‘Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.’ We need only bring things to the Light, to Christ, and He makes things new and sets us free.