Struggling with Self-control
Somehow, we surrender readily to the weather changing our plans, but not the traffic back-up for no reason on the highway that makes us 30 minutes late. We plan for the kids to be slow-moving grumpy in the mornings and are so gentle, but when our spouse is that way too, we snipe and grumble back. We hope for mercy from the boss when our car broke down and it took hours to get in to work but can’t understand why our colleague has permission to leave every Wednesday two hours early. All of these contrasts indicate how the brain works out control, in our favor and against.
The reality is, we cannot control the weather, the car, our spouse any better than the weather, the boss, the colleague, the kids. (Well, in all objectivity, with all authority given over to us, perhaps we can control the weather as Jesus did, let me know if you do!) But we struggle with only some of the things and people out of our control and we do just fine with others. We have surrendered some of our desires for control and held on to others. The only thing we can control is ourselves, our actions, our thoughts, our responses to feelings, and they are very well within our control.
Spirit-filled verses
There are two verses that likely come to mind when considering self-control. I discovered not long ago that the two verses use different Hebrew words that we translate to the same phrase: self-control. The verses are both also about the Spirit of God, hardly a coincidence, I’m sure. 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV) says ‘For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline,’ and Galatians 5:22-23a (NIV) refers to the fruit, ‘But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.’ You will have noticed that the 2 Timothy verse translates to self-discipline, yes – but it is still about controlling the self. Stay with me!
The Spirit gives us this self-discipline and develops in us this self-control. I want to repeat, both verses that talk about self-control/discipline are expressly linked to the Holy Spirit operating in us. This encourages because it means that we are indeed equipped for this, and well equipped.
Self-discipline
Let’s consider 2 Timothy 1:7 first, the word comes from the transliterated Greek /sóphronismos/. Biblehub.com provides insights worth noting. This is the only usage of the word in the Bible, this form of the word simply isn’t used elsewhere. The self-discipline the Spirit gives us is the ‘properly, safe-minded, issuing in prudent ("sensible") behavior that "fits" a situation, i.e. aptly acting out God's will by doing what He calls sound reasoning’ (Biblehub.com/Greek/4995.htm). The Spirit enables us, equips us, to respond appropriately on every occasion. I think I have to add the disclaimer ‘when we listen to the Spirit’, I am fairly sure I fall short because I don’t listen to the Spirit. It takes training ourselves to hear the Spirit. It takes a relationship, communication, to know what others are thinking, and that includes God who speaks and guides through His Spirit.
I can also appreciate this kind of self-discipline, behavior that ‘fits’ the situation. I recall Jesus overturning the tables in the temple; that was behavior that fit the occasion. In this definition, it doesn’t say that I must be meek or humble or stuff down my feelings. It says that the Spirit enables us to respond appropriately in every situation. That may be indignation, that may be weeping in public, that may be a spectacle – that is still very appropriate. So, this takes me right back to the communicating with the Spirit to know the ‘appropriate response’. It may well be anger, or it may be walking away – we will only know which option is best if we are communicating with Jesus’s Spirit. I think we can use the famous one-word prayer ‘Help’ just as we can ask for help and guidance before entering heated issues and places that always seem to press out buttons. But there are the times when the unexpected happen or happen to a friend and we may not know absolutely how to respond, but the Spirit guides us when we are attuned to Him. In the carpool, at the dinner table, in the store, at the post office, the Spirit is with us, in us, equipping us to respond appropriately.
Self-control
Galatians 5:22-23 lists self-control as a fruit of the Spirit. This word is /egkrateia/ from the transliterated Greek. We can already see that the root is not the same as in 2 Timothy. This word is more closely related to ‘control’ in a very traditional sense, ‘dominion within, i.e. “self-control” – proceeding out from within oneself, but not by oneself. For the believer… “self-control, Spirit-control can only be accomplished by the power of the Lord’ (Biblehub.com/Greek/1466.htm). This is the word that is more ‘mastering our desires’ and about behaving with moderation and restraint. I think this is best thought of as the decision not to go places, or go ‘there’, where we are tempted toward our weakness(es), or to arm ourselves with the armor of God and be attuned to the Spirit when we do. This self-control is the one that declines dessert or second helpings when already full, no matter how enticing.
Today in particular, when I was apparently not gentle about asking someone to lower their voice, I’m struggling with self-control. I’m struggling with what is me and what Spirit. The struggle right now is that I think I said the appropriate thing, but I’m not sure it was said with the appropriate fruitful response. By fruitful response, I mean that the fruit of the Spirit is just one – all of these characteristics or attributes work together. Like any fruit, there are many parts that together make it healthy and nourishing, whole. If strawberries are missing their seeds, they wouldn’t be complete. The self-control that I attempt on my own is incomplete, but in the Spirit, I can also be gentle and kind and Christ-like in my interactions. Honestly in that moment, I just wanted the noise to stop, so I wasn’t gentle in my request. What rose up within me was impulse, which I need to work under the Spirit to control.
It is no mistake that 2 Peter 1 speaks of our having divine nature which exhorts us to add to our faith. Our faith stands on its own to usher in the power of the Spirit, but our cooperation with the Spirit is required to produce fruit. Our cooperation in producing fruit looks like these activities in 1 Peter 1:3-8, our cooperation is the active choice to model upright behavior, increase knowledge through experience, respond with self-control, persevere, behave in godly ways and finally love. These are the hallmarks of maturity, of becoming Christ-like. With no real-world experience or interaction with others, we would be without the practice of living a Spirit-led life. The cooperation and the choice to yield self to Spirit requires our practice. That practice working with the Spirit will help me notice and control the impulse before it becomes an action or word. The cooperative practice of developing fruit of the Spirit will also make self-control evident. The power of this self-control is within, we need to cooperate for it to be mature.
Spiritual Maturity
Being attuned to him from our waking to our laying down takes practice and occasional moments when it probably looks like I talking to myself (because I am praying), but it is so rewarding to be that much more Christ-like. The Spirit fills us at the moment of our faith, but we must cooperate with him and develop a relationship with God to release the power to work our faith into maturity.
