Learning how to breathe, literally

Let’s face it, no one wants to be sick or feel unwell. Isn’t that the reason we out off going to the doctor? Or the reason that we keep going when the treatment doesn’t work or takes multiple rounds to work? I recently saw a new chiropractor who told me I breathe wrong. What? My breathing is wrong? I’m alive so I must be doing something right!

But that one statement has made me aware of how I breathe. Or don’t. When I pour a cup of coffee, I hold my breath. I started noticing that I hold my breath all the time. I suck in my gut (because who wants that hanging out?!!?!) and that keeps my breath shallow. So, it took someone else’s observation to show me how I can get better. Slowly I am re-learning to breathe. I find that it has improved my migraines too. I have become more deliberate in listening to my body.

Pushing through

I used to drive through a migraine with the thought that the Lord will strengthen me (Isaiah 41:10). But now I can look back and say that I did not take the time to draw a breath in His presence to allow him to strengthen me. I just grabbed hold of Him and dragged him through whatever I needed to get done. I was wound so tightly around driving through my pain or the tasks for the day that I didn’t sit in His presence and breathe. I just kept going rather than following Him. I was working under my own strength.

Letting Him work

I guess you could say I was moving under my own steam and not giving him space to operate within this vessel. 2 Corinthians 4:7 says, ‘But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.’ I don’t think I was letting Him work in me and through me on those pushing through days. I wasn’t letting my brokenness give space to his light. I was hiding my brokenness from others and ignoring it myself. I missed opportunities to draw on him instead of dragging Him around. Something had to fill those cracks, and I didn’t allow Him to fill them. I want His light to fill those cracks.

I still get occasional migraines, but the breath I draw and the prayer I speak now have elements of appreciating Him and listening for Him, not just assuming his presence and getting on with it. Don’t get me wrong, He always has carried me through and given me strength. I have changed the how, I carry it differently now, the pain and the drive to carry on. I am okay with not being okay and I seek His presence rather than assuming He is with me. I know in my weakness He can use me and shine through the broken parts. Now I am willing to let Him.