Peace with Ourselves
How often do we find ourselves in conflict and unresolved issues where peace is elusive? But more often than not, we are not at peace because we are upset with ourselves: blaming ourselves or feeling guilty for brokenness.
The thing about relationships is that it takes two, or more, to have one. It takes two to be in healthy relations and two to be in unhealthy relations. How different would Esau and Jacob’s relationship be if their mother had kept her nose out of it? But by then, the brothers were 40 years old, they could have cut the apron strings if they had wanted. That is the point I’m getting at: we have choices to make to bring about peace with ourselves for our past and our current conflicts.
Blame and Self-blame
In this conflict between Esau and Jacob, either one could blame the other or mother or even father. They could blame themselves too. But here, we need to recall that the relationship takes two (or three or however many). Each likely has a portion of the responsibility for the break; but blame comes when we do not take the responsibility, we instead try to give it away. We are only responsible for the bad that we have done, not for the bad done to us by others, nor are we responsible for the choice of others to perpetrate bad. We cannot do anything to influence them, only God can. Could we persuade Esau to give up his grudge (Gen 27:41)? Only God could do that. We can, however, take our part and own it, then take it to God for forgiveness and healing.
Guilt
Then there is guilt for being part of a broken relationship and more perhaps not doing enough to resolve the situation. But guilt is the Spirit convicting us and saying that it is time to get on bended knee and forgive. Forgive ourselves, forgive the other party (parties). This is the working in the waiting that God does (as discussed here). We can be free of this weight that we were never meant to carry. The message version of 1 John 3:18-22 is worth quoting here:
My dear children, let’s not just talk about love; let’s practice real love. This is the only way we’ll know we’re living truly, living in God’s reality. It’s also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. And friends, once that’s taken care of and we’re no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we’re bold and free before God! We’re able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we’re doing what he said, doing what pleases him.
Freedom and Peace in Christ
Through the blood of Jesus, we have been forgiven for the broken relations, the pain and the misery caused in the conflict. Since we have taken responsibility for our part, we are also absolved of the sin committed. It may be that we continue to beat ourselves up over the conflict, and that means that this becomes a battle of the mind. We have to reclaim the promises of God to us as His beloved creation: we are forgiven, loved, chosen, a new creation, under grace and not law, freed, saved through faith, comforted, His child, blessed, bought with the price of Jesus, no longer a slave to sin, complete, justified, called, strong when I am weak, etc.
Conflict causes enough stress; we need not add to that the weight of the responsibility. God can free us from that weight if we ask and claim his promises for us. Were we responsible? Yes. Past; over now. Are we forgiven? Yes. Present. Even if the conflict continues today, we are forgiven. We follow Him and our obedience will lead us out of the conflict with peace, even in the midst of a storm.
