Lies We Believe about Forgiveness Series

Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a decision and a process.

‘I don’t feel forgiveness’, or ‘I don’t feel like forgiving’ don’t really stand up against what the Bible says about forgiveness. Forgiving someone 7 times 70 times is not something that I would do because I feel like it. After the third time, I might just say that’s enough and walk away from the person all together. But Jesus says 490 times. No-one is going to count the number of times we forgive, especially not up to 490 times. Jesus is pointing toward infinite forgiveness, always forgiving. God continues to forgive us, over and over. If he counted how much I need forgiveness, I would have to hope for infinite. I know I sin, daily. As much as I want to do his will and only his will, I know that I also fail. I am human. Yet he forgives me over and over, without counting or holding it against me. He decided to forgive me. I decide to forgive others.

Infinite forgiveness

When we begin to see that this is not a number at all, but that Jesus is pointing us toward always forgiving, we have to concede (it’s not just me, right?) that it is not by feeling that we forgive. It is out of duty as part of our obedience to God. It is a decision to forgive because we have been forgiven much. It is in following the message of Christ that we forgive.

Jesus tells us that we must forgive; it is part of the healthy relationship we have with the Father (Matthew 6:14-15). And indeed, the lack of forgiveness leads our relationship with Him to falter and crack. It places a barrier between us. Unforgiveness roots bitterness, wrath, and slander but forgiveness yields to kindness and tender-heartedness (Eph. 4:31-32). Healthy relationships include forgiveness, just as God’s relationship with us began with forgiveness.

Miracle working in us

Forgiveness is not a miracle; it miraculously works in us. But the decision to forgive does not immediately alter everything. The relationship is still broken, we are still hurt. In time, the Spirit works in us to heal. The healing that comes from forgiveness is what takes time. Give it to God. Give him time.

If this article has made you realize you might need some guidance about forgiveness, be sure to check out my book Alive Again: Find Healing in Forgiveness. The book is a practical guide and Bible study in one, including God’s forgiveness for us, defining forgiveness, recognizing unforgiveness, a discussion of reconciliation and steps to keep your sanity in broken and mending relationships.

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