Fear of running out

I think I am probably someone who does worry about running out or not having enough. I’m the one who has a gathering and ends up with leftovers to eat for days. I’m the one who used to work a job that was fairly seasonal, teaching English in Italy. I say ‘fairly seasonal’ because people never admitted that it was. But there were little or no lessons in December and barely picked up in January. There were none in the summer, especially August, and didn’t pick up or even start until October. So, the income of six or seven months had to planned very well to not run out in those lean months. I used the envelop method, placing advance rent in the envelop and marking it for the month, then bills and transportation passes, and all those things had their own envelops.

The problem with that method, was that I was always focusing on my own strength to take care of things, manage and not run out. I can look back now and see how God let me do that and still He provided in other ways. Like the widow at Zarephath, I se now that the Lord declared for me (1 Kings 17:14), ‘For this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the Lord sends rain on the land.’’ I don’t recall things running out, not oil, not mascara, not bus money. I even remember telling someone about His provision, that in my times of want, God took care of these things. He took care of me. I had to trust Him, see Him working in the small. And later He showed me how He cared for me in the big too. He covered rent payments and bills and church potlucks suddenly fed me more than I could imagine. He covered my needs for months. He worked on me, chipping away my pride and giving me a new identity until I surrendered and then He guided me to a job that He wanted me to have. My fear never overwhelmed me, despite the end of the month anxiety. Now that He provides is different ways for my family, I have to replace my olive oil all the time! I am sure I would replace my mascara often too if it weren’t for staying home in covid restrictions these months.

God Provides

How is it that we marvel at His taking care of these needs? Is it that we can read about miracles but not expect them to happen in our lives? I think we should expect His miracles in our lives. We should expect that He will multiply. He certainly multiplied the food at our monthly potlucks in my last church. There were times when I couldn’t imagine the three or four dishes feeding 50 people. By the grace of God, it did not run out. These are small numbers and small issues for just one person and one congregation.

But God has done this repeatedly. In Mark 6:30-44, 5,000 men were gathered with Jesus while teaching on the shores far from towns, a solitary place. Many people view this as a crowd of likely over 15,000 when we count in women and children. Yet Jesus took what they had, five barley loaves and two fish. He gave thanks. And everyone ate. Then they collected 12 baskets of what was left. As if to say to the disciples, how can you not see that I care for you, take care of you, and abound in my provision? He cares for His followers. I have to admit that I don’t picture small baskets, but even if they are, they likely held food for another few days for each of the men. My imagination has them two or three feet tall, though – not sure why. An expectation of abundance is good thing, I think. How could we doubt that He will never let us run out?

Don’t be afraid; I am with you (Isaiah 43:5)

Afraid that you won’t make it to the end of the month? He multiplied the oil and flour (1 Kings 17:14). Afraid that retirement savings won’t do? Even the birds have a home in His house (Psalm 84:3). Afraid that your energy will be gone before these troubles are over? He is our strength even when mountains fall (Psalm 46:1-3). Afraid of not having any fight left? The Lord fights for you (Exodus 14:14). Afraid that your patience is wearing thin? His Spirit grows it within us (Galatians 5:22-23). Afraid that even one more step will be too much? He will renew your strength and you will not grow weary (Isaiah 40:31).

He is much greater than what we lack. If we make God small, then we have impossible problems and overwhelming fear. When we open our eyes to Him and His power manifests in His love for us, then concerns fade away, the fog clears, and we see His provision. He provides. He provides all that we need, from a family for the orphans and widows to food at the end of the month. From retirement dreams to the next car payment, He provides. He is greater than any need we have; He is able to provide. He does not run out and does not run dry.