Fearing Failure (otherwise known as feeling insignificant)
This fear is so closely related to the previous that we could say it is a continuation of Wednesday’s post on fear of not mattering. We have a slew of people in the Bible who feared failing and felt insignificant, starting with Moses who couldn’t possibly speak on behalf of God to the pharaoh (Exodus 3-4). Then there was Joshua who followed him and needed constant encouragement to lead the Israelites, as described last week. There was Gideon who said that he came from the weakest clan and he was the least of all (judges 6). There was then Saul who hid with all the luggage when it came time for his coronation. Yep, at his coronation, he was hiding away behind the luggage (1 Samuel 10).
Who am I to do this?
Moses was the first that I can recall saying this, ‘Who am I to do this?’, and God’s answer was ‘I will be with you,’ in Exodus 3:10-11. How often we have said the same! Who am I, how could I possibly do this for God? Saul had such a sense of his own small-ness that it kept him from the greatness he was called to. Samuel was God’s well-known prophet and he anointed Saul and then told him everything that would happen in the coming hours and days. All of it came to be. God even gave a new heart to Saul (1 Samuel 10:9), but the new heart did not drive out fear. Yet, Saul hid among the baggage and they had to drag him out. Then Saul did not wait for Samuel to offer sacrifices before going into war, he was afraid because ‘the people were scattering from him,’ (1 Samuel 13:8). Simply put, Saul did not feel like he was up to the charge of leading the people, being their king and leader in battle. He was scrambling for other things to prop himself up. He felt insignificant and too small for the job.
Heart after God
When Samuel arrived at the battlefield, his message was that God wanted a man after his own heart. I mean, God gave Saul a new heart, so how is that Saul didn’t manage to do what was necessary? Saul let the fear overcome the heart. Saul did not seek God, did not seek to co-labor with God. That was the entire point of 1 Samuel 12, that the people and their king (Saul) needed to follow God and serve Him with all their heart, or they would be swept away. The chapter is called ‘Samuel’s farewell address’ so I would bet that his words and the message was sent far and wide in addition to the large crowd who was present at the time.
The right heart was in him, but Saul did not subject his heart and emotions to God who was with him. Saul’s fear caused him to fail at the task that God had chosen him for. God wanted Saul to be the king and set out a dynasty of kings from him, but fear won instead. Indeed, Saul was lacking in the strength, knowledge, and ability to be king. How often I have felt the same, even in regard to this blog – I am not strong enough, don’t know enough and have zero writing ability according to my university professor. Saul (and I) had opportunities to overcome the fear: 1) Saul was chosen, 2) Saul was anointed, 3) Saul had a new God-given heart, 4) Saul led the army to victory. Then we come to the part where he couldn’t wait a few more hours for Samuel to arrive because he felt he was being deserted and would be alone (and inadequate) to face the Philistines.
Training us to Courage
God did not throw Saul into the den to fend for himself against his fears. God put fearful and wonderful things in front of him to build the courage necessary to overcome it, to co-labor with God to make sure that the heart was the winner and not the fear. We see this in David. When David appears on the scene, he has had opportunities as well to grow in courage and leave fear behind. He faced the lions and the bears that threatened the flock of sheep under his care, he faced his own brothers who seemed none too supportive (1 Samuel 17:28-29). David had come to understand that the Lord was the one who delivered him from these trials; David knows the ‘living God’ by the time he comes to face Goliath. David understood that we are called to do this with God, and not for God. Courage is facing fearful things with God. In the times of tending sheep all alone, he had learned that depending on God was the only way when his own strength failed and wasn’t enough.
Placed ‘here’ by God
God placed David on the throne, just as He had placed Saul. God has placed you where you are as well. He is with you, as He was with the David and Saul. He plays no favorites. He trains us up and gives us the choice to let fear win or to courageously overcome fear with God. When we gave ourselves to Christ and made Him Lord, he gave us a new heart too. He wanted a man after his own heart. Are you a man after God’s heart? Are you a woman after God’s heart?
‘Someone else could do a better job. I don’t have what it takes. I’m no good at that.’ These kinds of phrases we hear are the sound of fear. I have certainly heard these phrases over the last two years of this blog. It may be that someone could do a better job, but called me to do it, He placed me ‘here.’ I don’t have what it takes, no degree in theology or similar, but I have His Spirit who guides me, I study, and He speaks to me through the Word and the words of others I research. When He leads, I don’t worry about the writing, it is His words that flow. Doing this with God makes all the difference, gives me courage, and fills the gap in my knowledge and ability.
With God all things are possible
The sounds of fear and its statements leave us in a state of fear and leave out God. Being with God makes all the difference. He has held our hand as we have been faced with fearful and big things. But have we collaborated with Him or left him behind? Have we embraced and believed his promises or trusted in ourselves? 2 Corinthians 6:12 (MSG) says, ‘The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren’t small, but you’re living them in a small way.’ Bit by bit, God drives out the smallness that we feel and encourages us to live large with Him.
